The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings immense significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).

B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .

When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with Click This Link gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to article source work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue my sources a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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